We all occasionally say things we really wish we hadn’t, especially when meeting new people. For some reason, meeting a deaf person seems to really bring out those moments in people. In the hopes of helping you avoid these embarrassing moments, I’m sharing 10 things you should never say when meeting a deaf person. All of which, in case you’re wondering, have been said to me. And my friends. More than once.
1 – Oh, I’m sorry. (And then walking away.)
Deaf people are really not that scary. When someone tells you they can’t hear you, try making sure you’re looking directly at the person when you talk to them. Speak clearly, but don’t exaggerate your lip movements. Or, hey, get a piece of paper or use your phone to write down what you’re saying.
2 – How do you drive?
I use my eyes. How do YOU drive?? I’m amazed at how many people think that deaf people cannot–or should not–get their driver’s license. Studies have shown that deaf drivers are no more likely to get in to an accident than hearing drivers, and actually tend to have lower accident rates.
3 – Can you read?
I have now been asked this twice, once at the doctor’s office and once at the DMV. My Deaf friends have told me they get asked this all the time. On one hand, I understand the question- after all, English might not be my primary or first language. On the other… guess what? Deaf people go to school, have jobs, and do everything that their hearing pals do. Oh, except hear. Assuming that deaf people can’t read is just insulting.
4 - Oh, I know exactly what you mean. I think I have hearing loss, too – I have a hard time understanding people sometimes. You know, like at concerts and monster truck rallies.
Seriously, why is it that everyone I meet suddenly has hearing loss? Not being able to hear people talking when you’re in a loud environment is not exactly the same thing as being deaf or hard of hearing. I understand that people’s first instinct is to try to find common ground, and connect. I recognize that this statement is supposed to show understanding and support. That said, it usually comes across as dismissive, and completely misses the point. When someone is telling you that they need you to look at them when you’re speaking because they can’t hear you, they’re not looking for you to say you know all about it. They’re just trying to let you know what they need in order to understand you. Do that.
5 - Oh, but you can lipread, right? Neat. Can you tell what the guy across the room is saying?
To this I say, lip reading is NOT a super power. No, I cannot tell what that guy is saying from across the room. It’s hard enough figuring out what’s going on in the conversation I’m currently having, thanks. Also, stop being a snoop.
6 – Oh, I’m so sorry. Losing my hearing would be the worst thing in the world.
It has its down sides, for sure, but really it’s not that bad. This response makes me feel like I’m something to be pitied, and completely dismisses the awesomeness of Deaf culture. Even if you’re thinking this, please don’t say it. Just don’t.
7 – But, you have hearing aids.
Yep, I do. They’re pretty awesome, and I’m glad I have them, but they’re not miracle devices. They don’t suddenly “cure” my hearing loss. I still need to read lips or use ASL to know what people are saying. They tell me THAT people are talking, but it’s like catching shadows of words. I have to fill in the blanks. If someone has hearing aids, don’t assume that they can hear things–or that they can’t, for that matter.
8 – Oh, are you going to get that implant thing to fix your hearing?
I’ve had people launch in to how the cochlear implant is a miracle within 3 minutes of meeting me. They’re usually basing this on a) seeing Ellen talk about it on TV and b) the fact that they like hearing birds chirp, or whatever. The decision to get a cochlear implant is a big one, and involves a lot of factors that you probably aren’t aware of if you haven’t been around the Deaf community for very long. Besides the fact that this question assumes that something is wrong with me that needs to be fixed, it’s a really personal, complicated question. If you’re going to ask someone about CI, please be sensitive to that. And maybe wait until you’ve known the person a while before you bring it up.
9 – But you don’t sound deaf.
Of all the things said to me on a daily basis, this is the one that drives me the most crazy. This is the reason I usually go voice off in public, like at the grocery store. People have a hard time understanding that just because I have good speech quality does not mean I can hear. It makes me feel like I need to explain myself – no, really, grocery store clerk, I’m not purposely ignoring you, I just can’t hear you. Closely related to this one is…
10 – Wow, your speech is really good!
I get this well-meaning comment from almost everyone I meet – even interpreters sometimes say this to me. There are several reasons why you should never say this to someone. For one thing, it makes the person feel awkward and self-conscious. For another, the underlying message is that speaking skills are to be highly valued, and praised. It implies that people who don’t have clear speech are less intelligent, capable, or aren’t trying hard enough.
This comment makes me feel like I’m being patted on the back. I didn’t do anything special to earn my speaking skills. My speech says nothing about my intelligence or abilities. I just happened to grow up with enough residual hearing to make speech work for me. In some ways, my clear speech is a drawback – it makes it that much harder for other people to understand my deafness.
One more thing I’d add to the list: hearing people who insist that communication shouldn’t be a big issue when it comes to dating and relationships. The reason most Deaf-Hearing relationships fail is because of poor communication issues—usually the hearing person is not willing to learn ASL and relied on the deaf person to read lips, speak orally, and verbally communicate. Do NOT ever tell a Deaf person that communication isn’t a big issue when that deaf person have had to struggle everyday with communication issues while you, hearing people, never have to worry about how you would communicate or receive accommodations for school, work, shopping, doctor visits, workshops, etc.
I’ve gone through some stuff I have for my kitchen corner, and basically I have a fruit bowl and a whole lot of glass :I As in a whole box full of just drinking glasses. :I
And we’ve gone through what kind of furniture I can bring with me and what I might replace as time goes and what I might keep, but it looks like I’ll be able to furnish my widdle place directly! :D Only need to buy bed linens, plates & cutleries and a few lamps, maybe a rug and a small armchair lskdjfksdhfksh :DDDDD
“If you’ve been keeping tabs on “Supernatural” spoilers, you already know that this season, Sam (Jared Padalecki) will have his first significant love interest in several years. Amelia is a veterinarian to whom Sam brings an injured dog a short time after he loses Dean (Jensen Ackles) — and everyone else he knows.”—
“We don’t lift weights in order to look hot, especially for the likes of men like that. What makes them think that we even WANT them to find us attractive? If you do, thanks very much, we’re flattered. But if you don’t, why do you really need to voice this opinion in the first place, and what makes you think we actually give a toss that you, personally, do not find us attractive? What do you want us to do? Shall we stop weightlifting, amend our diet in order to completely get rid of our ‘manly’ muscles, and become housewives in the sheer hope that one day you will look more favourably upon us and we might actually have a shot with you?! Cause you are clearly the kindest, most attractive type of man to grace the earth with your presence.”—Zoe Smith, 18 year old weightlifter currently representing Great Britain at the Olympics, responding to tweets labelling her muscles “unattractive” and “unfeminine”. (via monkeyknifefight)
“In pop culture, girls who crush hopelessly on guys they can’t have are painted as just that – hopeless. Over and over again, we’re taught that girls who openly express sexual or romantic interest in guys who don’t want them are pitiable, stalkerish, desperate, crazy bitches. More often than not, they’re also portrayed as ugly – whether physically, emotionally or both – in order to further establish their undesirability as an objective fact. Both narratively and, as a consequence, in real life, men are given free reign to snub, abuse, mislead and talk down to such women: we’re raised to believe that female desire is unseemly, so that any consequent shaming is therefore deserved. There is no female-equivalent Friend Zone terminology because, in the language of our culture, a man’s romantic choices are considered sacrosanct and inviolable. If a girl has been told no, then she has only herself to blame for anything that happens next – but if a woman says no, then she must not really mean it. Or, if she does, she shouldn’t: the rejected man is a universally sympathetic figure, and everyone from moviegoers to platonic onlookers will scream at her to justgive him a chance, as though her rejection must always be unfounded rather than based on the fact that he had a chance, and blew it. And even then, give him another one! The pathos of Single Nice Guys can only be eased by pity-sex with unwilling women that blossoms into romance!”—Lamenting the Friendzone, or: The Nice Guy Approach to Perpetuating Sexist Bullshit (via nyquilontherocks)
Let me start this by quoting the eloquent and well-articulated Mr. Whitley:
“If Uncle Sam doesn’t get a big dose of turtle blood real soon, we could be in real trouble. By we, I mean the United States. By turtle blood, I mean the secret ingredient China is using in its dastardly attempt to kick us off the top of Mount Olympus.”
In this article by AOL Sporting News (lol. AOL.) Whitley then goes on to pseudo-snarkily comment on China’s athletes and their successes while accusing them all of using drugs and ~exotic~ home remedies. The constant substitution of “The People’s Republic” for “China” is another jab at exotifying China and her athletes.
And that’s not even the end of it! Whitley continues with “Chinese cheating was state-sponsored. If a newborn had big hands and feet, she would be plucked from her family, sent to The People’s Republic of Swimming School, pumped full of mystery supplements.”
So instead of congratulating and applauding a legendary and mindblowing feat, Whitley turns this into China using unsavory tactics to beat America. I guess it’s just that unbelievable that an Asian female is something other than a helpless cartoon white guys jack off to.
ONE THING ABOUT GERARD’S LITTLE “VENGEANCE IS GOOOD” SPEECK FOR ALLISON OMG IT SOUND SO CHEESY AND HE’S GOT A SUPER DRAMATIC VOICE ANDBKJGJ I BET IF ALLISON WASN’T GRIEF RIDDEN SHE’D FIND THIS AS FUNNY AS I AM OH GOD I AM SOBBING
SO SAD FOR ALLISON BUT OMG GERARD JUST SHUT UP PLEASE OMFG NOHUHUHUHUHUHUUUU
White privilege is Chinese swimmer Ye Shiwen smashing the world record for the 400m medley (and beating a whole lot of white boys in the process)…and immediately being suspected for doping by American and Australian media. Even if other more well-known (white) winning athletes have never been been subjected to such suspicion but have tested positive for drugs in the past.
male privilege is ryan lochte responding to ye shiwen’s record-beating swim by saying “it was pretty impressive. and it was a female. she’s fast. if she was there with me, i don’t know, she might have beat me.”
lochte swam his final 50 meters in 29.10 seconds. ye swam it in 28.93. motherfucker, she DID BEAT YOU.
MY SHOWER IS DEAD, YOU GUYS! THERE IS NO WATER PRESSURE IN THE HOUSE!
WHAT COULD HAVE HAPPENED THAT WOULD BE MASSIVE ENOUGH TO BREAK MY SHOWER????
Usually in the case of the Alicorn, the shower symbolising renewal, washing away the dirt off of the ‘corn’s back causes the universe to flip-flop and produce random events and things, much to the Alicorn’s delight. However when the holy shower looses it’s pressure and the Alicorn can no longer bathe in it’s streams of awesomeness, that’s when we all should go find the nearest bomb-shelter because shit’s going down.
1. The only reason Altaïr can’t swim is simply because the creators of the game found it too complicated and time consuming to integrate swimming mechanics in a game that was already out of schedule.
2. In Constantinople, the sound and ambiance you hear inside the large buildings, markets, and streets was actually recorded there by a sound team.
3. Ubisoft hired a professional orchestra for almost an entire year to create the beautiful soundtracks.
4. The Assassin’s Guild was real. However there is no record of them ever being in the 15th century Italy. However the Syrian guild did lots of political assassinations in the 13th and 14th hundreds, most of the known facts from them was described by; you got it. Marco Polo.
5. Almost all the people killed in the Assassin games were real figures who died or disappeared mysteriously around the time they do in the game. Ubisoft has of course taken some very artistic liberties, but its still cool.
6. Cesaré Borgia, son of Pope Alexander IV (Rodrigo Borgia) was a millitiant conquerer of Italy who was despised for many by his attitude and his incest with his sister Lucrezia Borgia. He was killed in 1507 in Viena, Spain falling off a castle wall; but no one understands how.
7. The voice actor who played Malik in Assassin’s Creed™ plays the voice of Prince Suleiman in Revelations.
8. The voice actor who played Rafiq, one of the Assassin’s Bureu leaders; plays the voice of Leonardo Da Vinci.
9. Leonardo Da Vinci was gay! Subtle hints are given in the game to this, as well as a short factual information post when you first meet him; but its true! He was known, and somewhat disliked, for the rumors of his adventures with two of his male employees.
10. The Masyaf castle existed, and was the base of operations of the entire Syrian Assassin’s Guild.
he makes love to amelia and begs her please, ames, touch me. and amelia novak is scared because her husband is losing his mind in her arms, it seems, and so she does as he asks. in the wake of her fingers smoothing his temples he closes his blue blue eyes and tries his very hardest to remember that he is human, that he is not made of galaxies and he is not made of wind, tries to ground himself in the pull and brush of her fingers. he pretends that her collarbone is the earth and kisses it, rests his forehead at the divot of her neck as if in prayer.
he makes love to his wife; he whispers til death do us part against her jaw. he hopes very much that he will not be forced to break his christian promise.
but amelia does not have power in her hands and the sound of fingernails on window-glass comes no matter how tightly she holds him. he knows and she knows and their daughter knows, too, in the corners of her eyes, that he is leaving, one piece at a time, and that soon he will hear the call and he will follow it, soon he will hear the call and he will answer it. amelia watches her husband swallow pills that may as well be made of sugar and winter light and she watches the motion of his throat to be sure that he still has muscles within the tower of his skin.
there comes a day when she will not let him make love to her and she will not touch him, and there comes a night when he sees her clutch the plastic orange of prescription in her hand as she drowns to sleep in her tears and it is as if she hopes he will be caught inside the cylinder, hers to own and to keep safe. there comes a morning where he does not tell her how much keening he hears in his dreams but instead asks for sugar for his coffee, and to hold her hand. one of these requests she grants.
he does not make love to amelia and instead he examines his face in the mirror of their bathroom, dissecting his flesh with the scalpels of late night and he touches himself. he leans his head against the cold glass and runs the backs of his hands down his own cheek, attempts to remove himself from the feeling of flesh. castiel speaks in the language of touch and the verses of his gospels promise caress and embrace. he wants to know what it is to be devoured of his own free will.
there comes a night when amelia places a threat in the palms of his hands and he knows the time has come to break his christian promise.
he is a man of faith and devotion and like an altar he makes himself ready, and he does not let himself say goodbye. he dresses himself like a wet sunday morning. he spends four minutes on the front walk before he opens his mouth to let himself be consumed. and it does not feel like making love, or any love that he has ever known; it does not feel like a caress or an embrace or the drag of knuckles on skin. he becomes a scream lost inside his own pulse.
the space in which he exists is not human. it is made of galaxies and wind and he is hurled above the earth and rammed back down again a hundred thousand times and he is a scream lost inside his own scream.
jimmy novak becomes a perpetuity of screams in a perpetuity of silence.
the angel knows all of this. the angel knows none of this. the angel walks the earth in black shoes.